How I Explain To My Kids That Our Family Doesn’t Have A Daddy
Since my son was born, and now my daughter, I’ve talked openly about all aspects of our family, and all families. I don’t want my children to feel there’s any “secrecy” or shame, in regards to our family. In our home we have books about all kinds of families, religions, genders, races, ages, species (lol, but also, seriously. Even in the wild, there are all kinds of different ways families are made, and babies are raised), etc… These aren’t things to hide, but rather to be celebrated.
Someone asked me recently, “how do you explain to your son when he asks why he doesn’t have a dad?” My son (my oldest) is 5. He actually hasn’t outright asked me why he doesn’t have a dad. I’m still slightly apprehensive for the day he does ask, if we’re being honest… BUT, this is what I HAVE told him.
“All babies are made with a mommy (a female brings “the seed”) and a daddy (a male brings “the daddy juice”). All babies. However, not all families have a mommy and a daddy. Some families have one mommy, one daddy, two mommies, two daddies, multiple parents, step parents, or grandparents, caregivers, etc… In OUR family we don’t have a daddy, so Mommy went to the doctor to get some daddy juice, which he then put in my belly for me.”
When I was pregnant with my son, I joined a Facebook group for single mother’s “by choice”. I read in one of the threads how saying “WE don’t have a daddy in OUR family”, instead of “YOU don’t have a daddy”, helps kids feel like it’s not just them who’s missing a daddy, but rather how the family as a whole is made. It really resonated with me.
As for the “daddy juice”… I tell my son, “I really wanted to have you, my babies, but I didn’t have a daddy to make babies with, at the time. So, I found a really wonderful, generous man who donated his daddy juice to me. The doctor took the daddy juice and put it in my belly, and that’s how I got pregnant.”
Again, my son is only 5, so I know these conversations are only preliminary. But, they’re giving him an idea of these concepts. It’s laying down the groundwork. I think… I mean, so far, he’s buying what I’m selling. And, thank you God for that.
So yeah, this is what works for us… for now…
Follow @AlexandraFisherrr for more ways to confuse the shit outta your kids, too!