This Is Motherhood
If you look closely enough, you can see my eyelids are swollen to the size of golf balls.
The night after I delivered my daughter, I cried like I’ve never cried before. I also had a panic attack like I’ve never had before.
I called my friend, another single mom, hysterical. I didn’t know what to do. I was convinced the hospital was going to take my baby from me.
Without hesitation, my friend, called her niece to come babysit her son, so she could spend the night with me, in the hospital.
When she went to take this picture of me, I told her I didn’t want any pictures taken. “Look at me. I’m a mess.”, to which she responded, “Allie, you’re going to want these memories. Trust me.”
Tori, you are SO right. Thank you for capturing these moments.
These aren’t the “picture perfect”, pretty parts of motherhood. These are the parts we’re taught to hide. But, why?
My face is swollen. I don’t look like myself. It’s certainly not the best photo of me.
But, what you don’t see, is that night- I was scared. I felt inadequate. And, I didn’t know how I was going to face another day. YET, I did.
When I was having the worst emotional plummet of my life, I still showed up. I still got the job done. Did I cry my way through it? YUP! Did I doubt myself? Unfortunately. But, I MFing did it!!!!!
To my dear friend Tori, I will never forget how you were there for me that night (one of many). Everyone deserves a friend like you. And, thank you for taking these pictures. The picture perfect shots are beautiful, special, and wonderful. But these… These really capture my strength. My journey. My truth.
When you feel weak, you’re actually at you’re strongest. You’re fighting for your life. Be damn proud!
You’ve got this!
Allie
